02.28.07
Peace, Love and Supernanny!
So, there I was…
First of all, let me say I’m happy to be “in the Hizzy” (as the kids say now-a-days). I hope to take this thing off the Hizzle, shizzle… dizzle.
Speaking of the Dizzle…I’d let to share some thoughts on recent tele-vizzle events. This is more random than the Diesel saying something funny, so stick with me.
- BREAKING NEWS – Ana Nicole Smith has Rigamortis!!! For the life of me, I can’t figure out why people give a shit about her??? More people care about her life now compared to when she was alive. Granted, I think she’s the smartest dumb blonde on the planet (see marrying a 90 year old millionare and dealing with his hairy coin purse for a couple months for a shitload of money – take notes Jessica Simpson), but, she died. Why is it BREAKING NEWS every time something happens in the case? “Howard K Stern said Ana Nicole was good in bed!” People, get a life.
- Speaking of getting a life – anyone catch the Oprah Winfrey’s special where she’s building a school for girls in Africa? Yeah, me neither.
- Did you guys see that fat guy running around on Channel 19 during that huge snowstorm a couple weeks ago? That was amazing. That makes me proud to, not only be a man, but a man of size. I actually saw it on Headlines news in the airport waiting for a plane to Cleveland. Proud blood ran through my chiseled body as I laughed at all the people who said “that’s terrible, disgusting.” That guy is a hero to fat kids, worldwide. Move over Numa Numa fat kid.
- Why does the History Channel only show “Modern Marvels” shows on week nights? I mean seriously…Modern Marvels – ICE, Modern Marvels – SNOW, Modern Marvels - Butchers??? Here’s my show idea: Modern Marvels – Why my fat ass changed the channel to Discovery.
- I love the show 24. One of only 4 shows I watch religiously (Nip/Tuck, the Office and Talk Sex with Sue Johannson are the others) but come on! Here’s some thoughts on this season, so far.
- In the history of the world, have the prevailing winds ever blown from East to West (for a sustained period of time)? I’m pretty sure the winds go West to East – but in 24-land – the radioactive cloud was blown out “away from populated areas” and there would be no radioactive fall out. I’m skeptical.
- I can’t believe Kumar was dead in the first 5 hours…bummer. He’s Indian (like Ghandi Indian, not Chief Bentrod Indian) by the way. I was hoping for some White Castle plugs. Or at least Doogie Howser.
- I want to live on “24” time. Everything is accelerated. Case in point. Let’s take Assad’s trip to Washington DC from LA. (for this experiment, we’ll assume the time given is Pacific Time Zone). He leaves CTU, bound for DC at 10:49am, which means his flight left, we’ll say, 11:30am (we all know Traffic on 24 is not an issue, especially with people freaking out about a suitcase bomb). He is next seen at 1:16pm at the White House Bunker. Now, I’m not Cell Biologist but that’s 2 +3, carry the 5 = 1 hour and 45 minutes. Man, he’s flying faster than John Denver…wait, too early still?
- Milo is such a pussy.
- I hope Chloe joins Edgar this year…I can’t stand her scowl and her constant bitching that Morris isn’t giving her a hot carl because he started drinking again. UGH!
- Is it me, or does the scar on Jack’s right hand change shape, size, color and location with every episode?
- Rob Lowe’s little brother needs to go make a sex tape…then I will like him more.
- Anyone here watch “Supernanny”? Yeah, me neither. Alright, I’ve watched it a couple times (like 12). What I find the most funny is the parents that sit there and say “I don’t know how my kids got this way!” Way to not look like an ass on National Television. Here’s a clue: 1. Don’t substitute Presents for Presence, 2. Putting kids in “Time out” is lame – beat them when they do something wrong and 3. It’s called Condoms…I have a box that I haven’t used in a while, you can have them.
- I love the Show “The Dog Whisperer.” I find myself practicing on my friend’s dogs. Then I lose patience because they aren’t listening and start calling them obscene names…which is fun too.
So, there I went. More to come in the following weeks. I leave you with my favorite useless Jack Bauer Fact:
“Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the hidden keys.”
Holla at cha boy (do the kids still say that?)!