11.01.07
Redoing My Fantasy Draft
I’m not going to lie. I’m pissed. I’m pissed like Lewis Black on a Tuesday. Because my fantasy football team is crap. I’m 3-5 and I still have a shot at the playoffs if I go on a run, but I could have done a helluva lot better. Because out of my 12-team league, only myself and one other person (maybe two) were live for the draft. That’s it. I’m losing to the autodraft system. I had the opportunity to build the team that I wanted and I made one bad decision after the other. And I easily (and realistically) could have drafted a great fantasy football team. So without further ado, I am redoing my draft. This is based on our draft results, only taking players that would have been available at the time. And again, it’s easy to say that oh I should have taken Randy Moss in the 3rd round, but I’m giving you a realistic scenario based on my thoughts at the time, my past history, and give you a draft that could have happened.
Round 1 - Joseph Addai, RB, Colts. I had the 4th pick and I had Addai listed as my third best player (behind LTD and Stephen Jackson) until right before the draft. When I read Bill Simmons. And he made a somewhat convincing argument why Shaun Alexander was going to have a bounceback year. Disregard the fact that he was coming off injury and Steve Hutchinson was still gone, I took Alexander. Stupid, stupid. I could have, would have, and should have taken Addai. I hate Bill Simmons and his great life.
Round 2 - Chad Johnson, WR, Bengals. This is who I took and I can’t say that I wouldn’t in hindsight have taken him, even though Houshamazili is having a better year.
Round 3 - Tom Brady, QB, Patriots. He was on the top of my board in the 3rd round. But I stupidly did not take him because of two factors. One, the emphasis all those damn magazines and shows put on running backs. If I didn’t take two running backs in the first three rounds, I’m led to believe that my team will suck. Bullshit. Most of those publications go off a 2 RB and 1 Flex system. We only get to play 2 RBs and we have to play 5 Receivers (at least one of which is a Tight End). Further, with time-share backfields, injuries to running backs, and the ease with which receivers can handle corners based on rules, there’s an argument to be made that receivers and quarterbacks are equally productive and consistent. The other factor in not taking Brady is that I kinda hate him. He goes from hot actress to hot model. He has three super bowls (threatening Joe Montana’s legacy if he wins this year). He went to Michigan. These are not very good reasons to reject a player on draft day. But yet, I took Thomas Jones. I am reaching for a shotgun now.
Round 4 - Plaxico Burress, WR, Giants. I took Plax in the fourth round last year. Loved him. He was one of my most consistent players. I secretly loved the Giants passing attack (see Round 8). Why didn’t I take him again (but took Deuce McAllister instead)? Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.
Round 5 - Lamont Jordan, RB, Raiders. I secretly coveted Jordan, who I had on my team two years ago, and took him in the seventh round. The loss of Dominic Rhodes early, a favorable schedule, and a better offensive mind than Art Shell (not a stretch), meant good things. In this scenario I take him two rounds early. And not Todd Heap, who I strangely coveted based on an easy early schedule. But even a great Todd Heap doesn’t give me more than 7 or 8 touchdowns. I’m jabbing a pen in my eyeball now.
Round 6 - Marion Barber III, RB, Cowboys. Barber was a back that I always loved because he gets in the end zone regularly. He slips to the 11th round in our draft based on all the autodrafting ridiculousness. 11th Round. He was one of those guys I kept saying, “He’s still there? I really want him, but I already have 4 RBs and I need to get wide receivers.” I’ll take him here.
Round 7 - Santonio Holmes, WR, Steelers. I liked the Steelers passing game. I liked that he dominated the end of last season. He was on a lot of sleeper lists. But I never pulled the trigger. Because I already had Bernard Berrian. (there is an organ in my body crying now, but I can’t tell which one)
Round 8 - Eli Manning, QB, Giants. This is who I took and I’d take him again. I liked the Giants schedule and targeted Manning before the draft. But he should have been targeted as a good backup with Brady as the starter
Round 9 - Heath Miller, TE, Steelers. I always liked Heath Miller and all the touchdowns he got. Had I not taken Heap. I would have been in line for Miller, available in the 9th round. It also is important to note that about round 8 or 9 (whichever round I took Drew Bennett), I did look at my draft and said “I hate my team.” That’s strange, because in fantasy and real drafts, everyone looks at their own draft and believes that made out like a bandit. Not me. I knew my draft was shit during the draft. One bad move unfolded into another. It’s like I went into Iraq with a half-ass plan and kept screwing up because I didn’t have a good exit strategy.
Round 10 - Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings. I know, I know. This seems like hindsight, but hear me out. I had Chester Taylor last year and he was pretty good. The reason he was good was because he had Steve Hutchinson at guard and Tony Richardson at fullback. The reason he wasn’t great was because he was CHESTER TAYLOR. Adrian Peterson was ten times the player Taylor was, I knew that, and Taylor was hurt at the start of the season. I should have considered Peterson, but at this point I’m trying to figure out who’s going to help me in case Manning or my shitty receivers don’t pull their weight. I hate myself.
Round 11 - Wes Welker, WR, Patriots. This is who I took as a great sleeper (Patriots trade a 2nd round pick for this guy, they know what they are doing, Moss and Stallworth stretch the field, etc.). I’d obviously take him again. He’s awesome.
Round 12 - Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos. Baby TO. Where I took him. Don’t regret it. Would do it again
Round 13 - Oakland, DEF. Sure there are better defenses, and some available, but I liked the Raiders and I would be disingenuous to say that I would have taken someone different based on my thoughts at the time.
Round 14 - James Jones, WR, Packers. I was debating between the two Joneses (Jacoby and James) and ended up with Jacoby. As much as I loathe the Packers, I should have figured Jones would make more of an impact considering the QBs (Favre over Schaub, though Schaub’s OK)
Round 15 - Desmond Clark, TE, Bears. Showing my beloved Bears some love after taking a Packer. With Greg Olsen out to start the season, he’s a good pickup.
Round 16 - Matt Stover, K, Ravens. For my kicker, Matt Stover, my kicker from last year who I loved, was available. I was tired and took Joe Nedney. If I had a staple gun right now. . .
So there’s my draft. And here’s how I would have performed with this team, based on reasonable projections of who I would start (bolded numbers indicate that week’s starters:
Name 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joseph Addai 19 14 20 20 0 bye 10 28
Chad Johnson 15 32 13 5 bye 8 11 5
Tom Brady 29 26 33 26 28 40 49 40
Plaxico Burress 32 9 14 8 18 15 4 1
Lamont Jordan 21 15 21 7 bye 8 6 1
Marion Barber III 14 20 23 7 6 5 15 bye
Santonio Holmes 12 5 4 24 0 bye 11 8
Eli Manning 34 12 9 9 19 19 15 7
Heath Miller 9 3 8 4 10 bye 17 4
Adrian Peterson 22 11 18 14 bye 45 13 7
Wes Welker 12 9 8 4 3 27 26 14
Brandon Marshall 11 8 13 8 5 bye 7 6
Oakland 2 14 7 7 bye - 8 6
James Jones 2 7 7 10 2 0 bye 16
Des Clark 3 2 5 10 12 4 3 1
Matt Stover 8 9 16 7 10 18 2 bye
Arizona - - - - 13 2 - -
Jason Elam - - - - - - - 8
Total 159 136 144 116 105 164 151 121
Weeks 1-3: I play with the girls I brought to the dance and kick some serious ass, with a pretty good bench to boot
Week 4: I swap out Marion Barber for Lamont Jordan, based on what he did to the Bears (but get the same result had I stuck with Jordan) and use Marshall instead of Welker based on the previous week.
Week 5: My worst week at 105 points. This assumes that I play Addai knowing he will be injured instead of picking up someone (Brandon Jacobs perhaps?) because Jordan and Peterson are on byes. I play Des Clark over James Jones in my W/T based on Griese as QB and good showing week before. I’ll also say that I picked up Arizona, like I did in real life.
Week 6: Still have Jordan on the bench because I’m unsure about his injury, which gives me the opportunity to play Peterson and enjoy his 45 points against my Bears. The devil’s found a nice little place on his mantle for my soul.
Week 7: How can I bench Peterson and Welker after their performances in week 6? Won’t do it. They kick ass again. But I only get 151. Maybe someone else beats me. (Silently laughing)
Week 8: As in real life, picked up Jason Elam and his eighty game winning field goals to fill in for Stover in the bye week. How was he still available? Another humdrum 121. And probably another W
Without major maneuvering on the waiver wire (which would be unlikely), I’m probably 8-0 and getting my roster in line for the playoffs. Instead I’m 3-5 and wondering where it all went wrong. Combine this with the plight of Notre Dame football, the Chicago Bears, and the Cubs’ early playoff exit and there is no joy in Tomsville. If only Tom Brady wasn’t so damn perfect. . . .