09.06.07
Football Fantasy Mailbag
Let’s open up the mailbag and answer some football fantasy questions:
Tommyboy, I was really excited that I was able to draft Donovan McNabb this year. I love him! Love, love, love him! A lot of people had their doubts about him because of his injury and all that stuff that that nasty TO said about him, but I don’t care. He’s my man and I’m sticking with him. He’s got those strong arms and those big muscles. Tell me you like Donovan McNabb, too. Please? - Walter from Omaha, NE
I do think Donovan McNabb will have a good season - after all he was on pace to be the best quarterback in football statistically last year before the injury. But I do understand when people have their concerns. Injuries always present risk of reoccurring and he’s not really young in football years anymore. His mobility will be limited which will limit some of the plays he creates and he might take some more sacks this year from being cautious. But like you mentioned, his strong arm coupled with a good understanding of the offense should lead to a Top 6 QB season. Just make sure you have a good backup in case the injury reoccurs.
I’m debating whether I should start Peyton Manning or Rex Grossman this week. I know they are both good guys and I like what they do in the community, but Rex is so much dreamier. If I were out in public, maybe at a bar or a malt shop, I would much rather have Rex draped on my arm than Peyton. He’s way cuter, especially when he smiles and he gets those dimples. Oh, just thinking about it, I think I’m starting Rex, but I’d love to hear what your take is. - Steve from Tacoma, WA
Well, Steve, most leagues don’t give points for “dreaminess” because you can’t quantify it, so you have to look strictly at the statistics. And when you look at the statistics, Peyton Manning gives you the best chance of accumulating the most points. He’s far more consistent from week to week, and Rex also faces a tough Chargers defense on Sunday. So in my opinion, start Peyton.
I was lucky enough to get LaDanian Tomlinson in my draft this week, but someone said that I should have gotten Michael Turner as a “handcuff” pick. What is a handcuff? Is it a player I would like to handcuff to my bedposts so I can take advantage of him? In that case, I would have handcuffed Tom Brady! - Carl from Newton, MA
A handcuff is actually the backup to a player on his own team. The rationale behind selecting your star running back’s backup is that if your star goes down, that player will become the starter and you won’t be hurt too bad. I don’t like the handcuff as much as other people. Sometimes it pays off (Larry Johnson a couple years ago) but more often than not it’s a wasted draft pick. And even if that person goes into the starting lineup, there’s no guarantee they will be effective. I would rather load my bench with proven starting running backs so that if my star back goes down, I have proven people filling his spot in the lineup. So even if you didn’t pick up Michael Turner, no problem. And even if you want him later, he will probably be one of the first RBs to go on the waiver wire, especially when teams start having bye weeks.
Hey, Tommyboy, longtime reader. In my league, we start 1 QB, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DEF, and 1 Flex. I’m assuming that the Flex player is “player I would most like to have sex with my anus.” In that case, I’m having a hard time deciding between Clinton Portis and Joe Jurevicius. What do you think? - Chuck from Arlington Heights, IL
The “flex” player can either be a running back/wide receiver/tight end or wide receiver/tight end. I would check with your league settings. If you have the option of using a running back, always go with a running back, provided you have one that’s getting a decent amount of carries. They get the most consistent touches and have the greatest likelihood of scoring touchdowns. If you don’t have that option, generally go for a wide receiver over a tight end unless the tight end has a much better matchup than the wide receiver. You usually have a greater opportunity to get big yards from your receivers. But, if you have two great tight ends on your roster, why not play them both? On most rosters, the order should be running back, then wide receiver, then tight end.
When Marvin Harrison fell to the third round of my draft and I was able to get him, I got so excited that I ejaculated all over my computer screen. Do you have any recommendations for cleaning my screen? - Dirk from Toledo, OH
I would wipe off the majority of the ejaculate with a soft tissue and then I would use a Windex Glass and Surface, nothing too abrasive, to give a thorough clean. Spray the Windex into a paper towel and gently rub the screen, drying it off with the unused portion of the towel or another paper towel. Good get on Marvin Harrison. People really overemphasize getting running backs early because they minimize risk, but Harrison is a surer bet than Edgerrin James, Clinton Portis, or many other running backs taken ahead of him.
Well, that’s it. Thanks for the letters, the photographs, and the stolen jock straps. Have fun with Football Fantasy this year.