08.23.07
Seacrest, out?
So I’m sitting at my desk, enjoying a delicious York peppermint patty, reading up on current events, when I come across this piece of news - Ryan Seacrest to host Emmy Awards.
What? Look, I have nothing against Ryan Seacrest. I’m sure he’s a decent guy. But the host of the Emmy’s should be an entertainer, right? How does he entertain? He’s not funny. He doesn’t sing or dance. Granted, he looks tan and reads a teleprompter with ease (more than I can say for On The Lot host Adrianna Costa). But still. . .
Which leads me to the ultimate question: Has Ryan Seacrest finally jumped the shark? Every time I think he’s jumped the shark, it seems like he keeps booking increasingly successful and increasingly more ridiculous gigs. (Note: For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “jumping the shark” originated from Happy Days when Fonzie literally jumped over a shark in water skis. It refers to the point in time where a show, a person, or anything for that matter, peaks and never can quite return to its original form. There’s a great web site (www.jumptheshark.com) that both shows all the categories of jumping the shark and also shows when each TV show jumped the shark. Really entertaining.)
Consider the following Seacrest timeline:
1995 - Seacrest becomes the afternoon drive host at Star 98.7 in Los Angeles. Adult Contemporary. You know, the station that white people listen too. Let’s hear some Hootie and the Blowfish! He was popular, got good ratings, and stayed at this station in this time slot until January of 2004. He also starts hosting something called “Gladiators 2000” an American Gladiators for kids. He’s 21. In the next few years, he hosts some other silly unsuccessful shows, but the radio gig is his main thing.
2000 - Seacrest’s first taste of network television is hosting “NBC Saturday Night Movie” I remember being hungover and exhausted after a day of tailgating and watching ND football my Senior year, turning on the television which has stopped recording the ND on NBC game and seeing this tool talking about the movie and asking viewers to call in with their favorite character or line. It was like how TNT and USA have butchered watching movies with Dinner and a Movie or DVD on TV, except worse because it was just this tool out there asking what my favorite Sylvester Stallone movie was. Then I would go out to a house party and be surrounded by tools. I’d get so pissed off I’d start fights with them. I miss college.
2002 - Seacrest starts hosting Idol with some clown named Dunkleman. Here’s where he starts to get big. Seacrest clearly is more popular than Dunkleman, confirmed the following year when Seacrest hosts solo and then hosts American Juniors. It also helps that “metrosexuality” starts to peak and Seacrest becomes the poster boy. From here on out, we can start the discussion of when he jumps the shark.
January/February 2004 - Three major events take place almost simultaneously. Seacrest gets his own TV show, On Air With Ryan Seacrest 1/12/04. Not surprising. They give TV shows to almost anyone who is recognizable. I just saw that Steve, the security guy from Jerry Springer is getting his own syndicated show. Makes sense as a tie-in to what he does on the radio and also a way to tie-in his American Idol success by getting first dibs on the eliminated contestants.
2nd event is Seacrest replaces Casey Kasem as host of American Top 40. Casey Kasem was on his last legs and this also seems like an inevitable move, but still one that raises a few more eyebrows. American Top 40 is a prestigious national radio show and Seacrest is starting to get luckier by the day that these projects keep falling in the lap of a guy without much of a sense of humor or discernible talent besides being tan. (By the way, if you haven’t heard Casey Kasem’s blowup, treat yourself by clicking on a link to an MP3 on this web site, the producers let the tape roll and caught one of the best tirades ever.)
The 3rd event (while wikipedia lists it as February I kinda remember this happening at the same time as the TV show launch) Seacrest switches from 98.7, the station that gave him his big break, to KIIS FM (102.7 in Los Angeles, but syndicated throughout the country) replacing legendary DJ Rick Dees. This seemed like the ultimate jumping the shark moment. First off, Seacrest sells his soul by turning his back on the place that gave him his break and also his co-host of a number of years, Lisa Fox. 98.7 was so stunned that they got a co-host for Fox that sounded almost exactly like Seacrest, to the point that I thought they cloned him. He also goes to the #1 sell-out station, KIIS. And then to top it off, he replaces Rick Dees, the posterboy for jumping the shark, from Disco Duck to The Rick Dees Show. It became a parallel universe where corny prankster Dees was trumped by his ‘04 equivalent, not as funny but considerably more accessible to what the kids want. That Rick Dees held on as long as he did catering to the preteen audience when he was growing more ancient is a testament to his staying power. I never really listened to Dees because I never was up early enough to follow him, but I happened to be listening on his last show after dropping The Diesel off at the airport. It was crazy. People called in crying. You couldn’t believe he was fired, this institution. But here was Seacrest, jumping the ultimate jumper of the shark.
September 2004 - On Air With Ryan Seacrest is cancelled. It seems like Seacrest’s status as having jumped the shark is confirmed. After coining the increasingly ridiculous send-off “Seacrest out,” he gave a humorists a fitting punchline after the show’s demise. After all the special privileges and competitive advantages afforded him, Seacrest still couldn’t get ratings. But. . .
American Idol is still going strong, so inexplicably. . .
April 2005 - Seacrest gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Huh? He’s on the same street as Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, and Pee Wee Herman. He gets the radio symbol, but we basically got the middle finger. Fate has said, “Yeah this guy is famous, whether you like it or not. So stick it up your ass.” Turns out you can pay for the privilege of being immortalized with a star, so it’s only partially an honor. Have enough money and you too can be recognized.
August 2005 - Announced that Seacrest becomes executive producer and co-host of Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve. First Casem, then Dees, and now Clark. Seacrest starts replacing giants one by one. But now it’s the world-beloved Dick Clark on arguably the most iconic American event of the year. Outside of the Super Bowl and maybe the Oscars, is there a televised event that has as much significance as Dick Clark on New Years Eve? Whether it gets ratings or not, everyone recognizes it. It’s what you watch if you’re not going out on New Years Eve and even if you are out at a bar or a house party there’s a good chance it’s on as everyone watches the ball drop in Times Square. Seacrest’s ascension seems to be unthwarted. Maybe he didn’t jump the shark. He’s officially enjoying the career path we all thought Carson Daly would have.
December 2005 - Clark is ill and Seacrest hosts New Years Eve solo. The deal with the devil is firmly in place as the ageless Clark cannot overcome the force that is Seacrest and finally starts to show his age. Can it get bigger for Seacrest? No, right? He’s Skeletor in the Masters of the Universe movie after the key is returned and his suit turns to gold. He’s impossible to stop. You would think this is his peak.
January 2006 - Seacrest gets a 3 yr deal to host E! News. Almost immediately after supplanting Clark, Seacrest gets another job. Fronting the hard-hitting news team at E! News, giving us the latest on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Heidi from the Hills. It’s a logical move, but also one that really highlights his rise to power. Sadly, many people care more about their celebutantes than they do the war in Iraq or socioeconomic ills. So he is delivering the news that today’s youth care about, the Walter Kronkite for the iPod generation. He also has so many jobs he reminds me of the Jamaican family on In Living Color (we work 25 hours a day, mon!)
June 2007 - Seacrest makes cameo in Knocked Up. And it’s a hilarious cameo at that with a great Jessica Simpson joke on top of a self-referential joke. I have to confess that this guy kinda won me over with this. Is this his peak? Parody, as Mel Brooks demonstrated in Blazing Saddles among other films, signals the end of a genre’s true significance, and by doing a self-parody maybe he has foretold his demise. Doubt it. He’s really good at this, and probably bought himself some a few more ticks of the clock on his 15 minutes. But then you hear. . .
August 2007 - Seacrest will host the 2007 Emmy Awards. OK, this is getting ridiculous. This has to be the jumping the shark moment. The Emmys host has to be funny and entertaining, even moreso because there are so many awards and it’s the same winners every year, and he’s neither. It can be nothing but an abject failure, right? And this will surely be the end of King Seacrest, right?
That’s what I’ve thought in the past and he proves me wrong time and time again.