08.16.07
AFI’s 100 Greatest Movies? Where’s Ski School?
AFI recently released their 2nd attempt to define the 100 greatest movies in American cinematic history. Hoping to correct the ills of the past that caused so many riots ten years ago, the Institute (as I like to call it) added films to the list that came out in the past 10 years (Titanic) and others that were overlooked the first go-around (Sullivan’s Travels) and trimming the fat (ha ha, Guess Who’s NOT Coming Dinner!). I thought to myself, “Finally, some justice. Some of the greatest films ever made by humans can be recognized for the great pieces of art that they are.” But alas, the Institute screwed the filmwatching community once again by failing to recognize some great films. Here are five of the most notable omissions:
Ski School (1991) - Dave Marshak and Section 8 at the ski school do battle against Reid Jansen and the evil Section 1 for control of the mountain in a classic battle of haves versus have nots. It is a coming of age story for John E. Roland as he skis the dome in a final epic downhill and has sex with nearly every hot girl in the film. The cinematography is breathtaking as they capture great skiing action, several shots of nudity, and only a couple shots with film equipment in the frame. The drinking style of constantly shaking up cans of beer to create a spraying effect was a great choice by director Damian Lee, who contributed his greatest work to date with Ski School. The film teaches us an important lesson, “In order to be the best, you must lose your mind.” The Institute should take note.
Dolemite 2: The Human Tornado (1976) - Rarely do sequels live up to the original, but Dolemite 2 took a classic film, Rudy Ray Moore’s original Dolemite, and brought it to the next level. It starts out with Dolemite, after having sex with the sheriff’s wife, rolling out of bed and shooting the sheriff’s men, fleeing the house naked, jumping down a hill, freezing the frame, and then saying “Y’all don’t believe I jumped. Well check out this good shit!” as we see an Instant Replay of his naked black ass jumping and rolling down this hill. The film uses the staple of Rudy Ray Moore films: rival comedy club owners who will commit any crime necessary to make sure more people see their comedy shows. Since you don’t see The Comedy Store owners gunning down the dudes who run the Improv, it takes creativity to come up with that storyline time and time again. We are also introduced to an innovative kung fu style, where Moore shakes his head a lot and blubbers out of his mouth before he strikes. It surely is more effective than the fighting style of the nun chuck expert he defeats during one of the final fight sequences.
Dead Heat (1988) - Not to be confused with Red Heat, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, this film stars Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams as zombie-fighting cops. Dr. McNab has developed a reanimating machine that allows him to resurrect criminals to do nefarious deeds for him. But Piscopo and Williams (the best cop pairing arguably since Steve Guttenberg and Bobcat Goldthwait) thwart his plan even after they are dead and resurrected. Kinda like Jesus cops. In the final scene Dr. McNab commits suicide, not allowing our hero cops the opportunity to properly kill him. So they reanimate him in order to kill him again. Genius. The movie proves one important point: You can’t kill Joe Piscopo.
Cool as Ice (1991) - Otherwise known as “The Vanilla Ice Movie”, “Cool as Ice” depicts the forbidden love of Vanilla’s Johnny and girl-next-door Kat. Vanilla’s posse gets stuck in a suburban town when his bike breaks down, but all was not lost as he met his soulmate, or at least a girl he’d like to have sex with. But her father (TV’s Michael Gross) forbids it, because he’s dangerous. From cinematographer Janusz Kaminski (Spielberg’s cinematographer) and director David Kellogg (whose other imdb credits are mostly Playboy Centerfold Shoot videos) comes a Rebel Without a Cause for the rap generation. Except this rebel has cause. And that cause is kickin’ ass.
Teen Wolf (1985) - Michael J. Fox plays a teenager who realizes that he also is a werewolf. Holy shit! The transformation is seemless, as Fox pays homage to Boris Karloff’s portrayal of the hairy friend. The film teaches us a number of things about werewolves that were glossed over or rarely mentioned in other literature and cinema Such as, werewolves are awesome at basketball, transforming human scrawny form into dunking high school hero. I’d like to see Kobe Bryant vs. the wolf in high school in one-on-one and see who wins - my money’s on the wolf. Furthermore, werewolves are excellent actors in school plays and have a good shot at nailing the lead actress. Werewolves are also excellent dancers, especially when dressing in white leisure suits. In the end. Michael J. Fox ditches his superpowers to win the basketball championship the honest way (take note, Barry Bonds). The movie is as enlightening as it is entertaining.
We can only hope that in another 10 years, the institute will come to its senses and include these films.