08.06.07
Tuckered out
This past week Ryan Tucker of the Cleveland Browns (Aka Grizzly Adams) was suspended for the first four games of the season for violating the leagues steriod policy. That policy being do not use them.
When I heard about this I wasn’t really upset but a certain question came to my mind that is not under the 5 W’s. That question is how? How in God’s name can Ryan Tucker be on steriods and still be this terrible? He can’t pass block to save his life, he’s too slow to chop block, and run blocking involves pushing someone off the ball so that is clearly out of the question.
For some reason, only known to the front office of the Browns, Tucker has been with the team since ‘02 and since then he’s let left defensive ends by him to sack such big names as Couch, Dilfer, and Garcia. However that is not my main issue with him. Every lineman who’s worn a Browns jersey since their return to Cleveland has been pretty pitiful and only this year do they finally have some hope for a sturdy O-line. My issue is the fact that Tucker jumps for often than a kangaroo on a trampoline. He literally has an inability to remain still. It’s like somebody put Michael J. Fox into an ogre’s body. (too soon?)
My hope is that in his absense the Browns will be able to find an ample replacement and let go of Tucker so he can begin his promising career as the new star of the Jack Link’s Beef Jerky “Messin with Sasquatch Commercials”. I just don’t get how a monk can remain completely still while lighting himself on fire in protest and Tucker jumps at the sound a quarterback saying Red Moon dog 7-11.
Regardless of the sitaution I’m looking at this suspension as a good thing…mainly because I hate Ryan Tucker.