Subscribe in a reader
08.23.07
Posted in Life, Music, Celebrities, Television, Tommy Boy at 3:26 pm by tommyboy
So I’m sitting at my desk, enjoying a delicious York peppermint patty, reading up on current events, when I come across this piece of news - Ryan Seacrest to host Emmy Awards.
What? Look, I have nothing against Ryan Seacrest. I’m sure he’s a decent guy. But the host of the Emmy’s should be an entertainer, right? How does he entertain? He’s not funny. He doesn’t sing or dance. Granted, he looks tan and reads a teleprompter with ease (more than I can say for On The Lot host Adrianna Costa). But still. . .
Which leads me to the ultimate question: Has Ryan Seacrest finally jumped the shark? Every time I think he’s jumped the shark, it seems like he keeps booking increasingly successful and increasingly more ridiculous gigs. (Note: For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “jumping the shark” originated from Happy Days when Fonzie literally jumped over a shark in water skis. It refers to the point in time where a show, a person, or anything for that matter, peaks and never can quite return to its original form. There’s a great web site (www.jumptheshark.com) that both shows all the categories of jumping the shark and also shows when each TV show jumped the shark. Really entertaining.)
Consider the following Seacrest timeline:
1995 - Seacrest becomes the afternoon drive host at Star 98.7 in Los Angeles. Adult Contemporary. You know, the station that white people listen too. Let’s hear some Hootie and the Blowfish! He was popular, got good ratings, and stayed at this station in this time slot until January of 2004. He also starts hosting something called “Gladiators 2000” an American Gladiators for kids. He’s 21. In the next few years, he hosts some other silly unsuccessful shows, but the radio gig is his main thing.
2000 - Seacrest’s first taste of network television is hosting “NBC Saturday Night Movie” I remember being hungover and exhausted after a day of tailgating and watching ND football my Senior year, turning on the television which has stopped recording the ND on NBC game and seeing this tool talking about the movie and asking viewers to call in with their favorite character or line. It was like how TNT and USA have butchered watching movies with Dinner and a Movie or DVD on TV, except worse because it was just this tool out there asking what my favorite Sylvester Stallone movie was. Then I would go out to a house party and be surrounded by tools. I’d get so pissed off I’d start fights with them. I miss college.
2002 - Seacrest starts hosting Idol with some clown named Dunkleman. Here’s where he starts to get big. Seacrest clearly is more popular than Dunkleman, confirmed the following year when Seacrest hosts solo and then hosts American Juniors. It also helps that “metrosexuality” starts to peak and Seacrest becomes the poster boy. From here on out, we can start the discussion of when he jumps the shark.
January/February 2004 - Three major events take place almost simultaneously. Seacrest gets his own TV show, On Air With Ryan Seacrest 1/12/04. Not surprising. They give TV shows to almost anyone who is recognizable. I just saw that Steve, the security guy from Jerry Springer is getting his own syndicated show. Makes sense as a tie-in to what he does on the radio and also a way to tie-in his American Idol success by getting first dibs on the eliminated contestants.
2nd event is Seacrest replaces Casey Kasem as host of American Top 40. Casey Kasem was on his last legs and this also seems like an inevitable move, but still one that raises a few more eyebrows. American Top 40 is a prestigious national radio show and Seacrest is starting to get luckier by the day that these projects keep falling in the lap of a guy without much of a sense of humor or discernible talent besides being tan. (By the way, if you haven’t heard Casey Kasem’s blowup, treat yourself by clicking on a link to an MP3 on this web site, the producers let the tape roll and caught one of the best tirades ever.)
The 3rd event (while wikipedia lists it as February I kinda remember this happening at the same time as the TV show launch) Seacrest switches from 98.7, the station that gave him his big break, to KIIS FM (102.7 in Los Angeles, but syndicated throughout the country) replacing legendary DJ Rick Dees. This seemed like the ultimate jumping the shark moment. First off, Seacrest sells his soul by turning his back on the place that gave him his break and also his co-host of a number of years, Lisa Fox. 98.7 was so stunned that they got a co-host for Fox that sounded almost exactly like Seacrest, to the point that I thought they cloned him. He also goes to the #1 sell-out station, KIIS. And then to top it off, he replaces Rick Dees, the posterboy for jumping the shark, from Disco Duck to The Rick Dees Show. It became a parallel universe where corny prankster Dees was trumped by his ‘04 equivalent, not as funny but considerably more accessible to what the kids want. That Rick Dees held on as long as he did catering to the preteen audience when he was growing more ancient is a testament to his staying power. I never really listened to Dees because I never was up early enough to follow him, but I happened to be listening on his last show after dropping The Diesel off at the airport. It was crazy. People called in crying. You couldn’t believe he was fired, this institution. But here was Seacrest, jumping the ultimate jumper of the shark.
September 2004 - On Air With Ryan Seacrest is cancelled. It seems like Seacrest’s status as having jumped the shark is confirmed. After coining the increasingly ridiculous send-off “Seacrest out,” he gave a humorists a fitting punchline after the show’s demise. After all the special privileges and competitive advantages afforded him, Seacrest still couldn’t get ratings. But. . .
American Idol is still going strong, so inexplicably. . .
April 2005 - Seacrest gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Huh? He’s on the same street as Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, and Pee Wee Herman. He gets the radio symbol, but we basically got the middle finger. Fate has said, “Yeah this guy is famous, whether you like it or not. So stick it up your ass.” Turns out you can pay for the privilege of being immortalized with a star, so it’s only partially an honor. Have enough money and you too can be recognized.
August 2005 - Announced that Seacrest becomes executive producer and co-host of Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve. First Casem, then Dees, and now Clark. Seacrest starts replacing giants one by one. But now it’s the world-beloved Dick Clark on arguably the most iconic American event of the year. Outside of the Super Bowl and maybe the Oscars, is there a televised event that has as much significance as Dick Clark on New Years Eve? Whether it gets ratings or not, everyone recognizes it. It’s what you watch if you’re not going out on New Years Eve and even if you are out at a bar or a house party there’s a good chance it’s on as everyone watches the ball drop in Times Square. Seacrest’s ascension seems to be unthwarted. Maybe he didn’t jump the shark. He’s officially enjoying the career path we all thought Carson Daly would have.
December 2005 - Clark is ill and Seacrest hosts New Years Eve solo. The deal with the devil is firmly in place as the ageless Clark cannot overcome the force that is Seacrest and finally starts to show his age. Can it get bigger for Seacrest? No, right? He’s Skeletor in the Masters of the Universe movie after the key is returned and his suit turns to gold. He’s impossible to stop. You would think this is his peak.
January 2006 - Seacrest gets a 3 yr deal to host E! News. Almost immediately after supplanting Clark, Seacrest gets another job. Fronting the hard-hitting news team at E! News, giving us the latest on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Heidi from the Hills. It’s a logical move, but also one that really highlights his rise to power. Sadly, many people care more about their celebutantes than they do the war in Iraq or socioeconomic ills. So he is delivering the news that today’s youth care about, the Walter Kronkite for the iPod generation. He also has so many jobs he reminds me of the Jamaican family on In Living Color (we work 25 hours a day, mon!)
June 2007 - Seacrest makes cameo in Knocked Up. And it’s a hilarious cameo at that with a great Jessica Simpson joke on top of a self-referential joke. I have to confess that this guy kinda won me over with this. Is this his peak? Parody, as Mel Brooks demonstrated in Blazing Saddles among other films, signals the end of a genre’s true significance, and by doing a self-parody maybe he has foretold his demise. Doubt it. He’s really good at this, and probably bought himself some a few more ticks of the clock on his 15 minutes. But then you hear. . .
August 2007 - Seacrest will host the 2007 Emmy Awards. OK, this is getting ridiculous. This has to be the jumping the shark moment. The Emmys host has to be funny and entertaining, even moreso because there are so many awards and it’s the same winners every year, and he’s neither. It can be nothing but an abject failure, right? And this will surely be the end of King Seacrest, right?
That’s what I’ve thought in the past and he proves me wrong time and time again.
Permalink
08.22.07
Posted in Television, The Diesel at 7:43 pm by Diesel The
Just kidding, folks… This show most definitely went out with a whimper. At least Spielberg took time out from shooting Indy 4 to show up. Sorta. But we’ll get to that later…
Sorry, but I just had to post one more time about this show that nobody watched. It mercifully ended last night with my two friends, Adam and Sam (whom I mentioned in an earlier post), coming in 3rd and 4th place, respectively. Bummer they didn’t win (Tommy Boy and I did our part burning up the phones and interweb with votes), but it probably shouldn’t matter too much. I haven’t spoken to either of them yet, but I’d assume that some doors will have been opened just by being on the show and doing so well.
Yes, the show was an epic failure, at least ratings-wise. Okay, it was pretty much a creative failure as well, but it seems like that can at least be partially attributed to the ratings. Fox saw that it had a dog on its hands early on and went all Mike Vick on it (too soon?), obviously trimming expenses as much as possible. This was pretty obvious when they not only magically reduced the number of contestants from 24 to 18 (sans on-air explanation), but then also aired the contestants’ submission films, which the filmmakers had paid for themselves. Then, upon getting to the final 3 filmmakers, they don’t give them money to make a final film! (Mad props (do the kids still say that?) to Adam for subtly pointing that out multiple times during part 1 of the finale). They simply padded the last two episodes with filler and films that had already been shown. It was pretty ridiculous.
It’s really a shame, because I know for a fact that two of contestants (Sam and Adam, obviously) are very talented and have put a crazy amount of time and effort into filmmaking. I can only assume the rest of the contestants are similarly committed, but none of them were given the opportunity to truly showcase what they can do. The show needed to give them more than 2 minutes (especially when you get to the top 10) and to pair them up with real writers. Maybe give every director the same script to shoot. Then “America” would have much better criterion upon which to judge who can truly direct the “best.”
It’s possible that all of these things were supposed to come to pass on the show, but we’ll never know. Fox and the producers were far too ambitious in the beginning, expecting an American Idol-sized audience and starting right up with one of their patented filler audition shows. It didn’t work and it alienated the audience right from the start. They were seemingly forced to make changes on the fly and the show ultimately became unbearable to watch (except for when the host, Adrianna Costa, wore a low cut dress, which was quite often. Thanks, Adrianna. It was much appreciated).
Despite all this, Spielberg did make an appearance. I was under the assumption that he was in Hawaii shooting the new Indiana Jones movie, but I guess it’s possible that he flew all the way back just for the finale… (I said it’s possible, okay? Stop laughing). Ol’ Stevie did not actually come to the studio for the show, but instead, the winner was immediately ushered from the studio in a limousine to the gates of Dreamworks to meet him. So here’s my question: When was this part actually shot? The finale was supposedly “live.” However, Will was supposed to get to from the studio to Dreamworks in the span of a single commercial break, which, as anyone who has ever driven ANYWHERE in Los Angeles knows, is utterly impossible. Not to mention the fact that the limo ride and meeting was edited like crazy. So my question is, when did they actually shoot the Spielberg meeting? Did they shoot it the night before with all 3 final contestants? I guess I’ll find out the next time I talk to Adam or Sam…
And that meeting between Spielberg and Will Bigham, the winner? Awkward doesn’t really describe it. Let’s just hope Will wasn’t welcomed to Dreamworks with a nice severance package and a note to clean out his desk.
Well, I’ve already wasted too much time writing about a show I would have stopped watching months ago had I not had friends on it.
I’m out (like a minority contestant on On the Lot)…
Permalink
Posted in Life, Big D at 9:16 am by Big D
True to form, I was just discussing the new fall lineups with my wife. We were primarily discussing Banana because, let’s face it: I’m not 20 years old. Still, this recent article on the Onion puts a lot of things in perspective & reminds me of how big of a homo I really am… on the inside.
This Gap Sweater Is Fucking Awesome | The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
Permalink
08.21.07
Posted in Life, Big D at 4:55 pm by Big D
Today I had lunch at a fast food Chinese place called (unfortunately) Wok and Roll. Upon cracking open my fortune cookie I was greeted with this little gem:
Lucky # 3, M, 24, 25, 30, 31
What’s that? Capital M is one of my lucky numbers? Well, we debated the validity of it for a while and eventually agreed that Roman Numerals were not valid in any local lotteries that we knew of, and probably haven’t been for, oh, about 2,000 years or so.
BUT, it is the 13th letter of the alphabet & the Kentucky Powerball is currently sitting at $245M, so why not play it?
And play it I did. Folks, the fortune cookie cannot be wrong - especially when there’s this kind Numeric Engrish (Chinglish?) involved. Time will tell if the wise men who see the future through hard pastries have it right.
“Known to cure itching, colds, stomachs, brains, and other diseases.”
– On a bottle of Chinese medicine.
I wonder how the Guide to proper usage of Balls, Nuts, or Testicles would translate to Engrish….
Permalink
08.16.07
Posted in Movies, Tommy Boy at 7:14 pm by tommyboy
AFI recently released their 2nd attempt to define the 100 greatest movies in American cinematic history. Hoping to correct the ills of the past that caused so many riots ten years ago, the Institute (as I like to call it) added films to the list that came out in the past 10 years (Titanic) and others that were overlooked the first go-around (Sullivan’s Travels) and trimming the fat (ha ha, Guess Who’s NOT Coming Dinner!). I thought to myself, “Finally, some justice. Some of the greatest films ever made by humans can be recognized for the great pieces of art that they are.” But alas, the Institute screwed the filmwatching community once again by failing to recognize some great films. Here are five of the most notable omissions:
Ski School (1991) - Dave Marshak and Section 8 at the ski school do battle against Reid Jansen and the evil Section 1 for control of the mountain in a classic battle of haves versus have nots. It is a coming of age story for John E. Roland as he skis the dome in a final epic downhill and has sex with nearly every hot girl in the film. The cinematography is breathtaking as they capture great skiing action, several shots of nudity, and only a couple shots with film equipment in the frame. The drinking style of constantly shaking up cans of beer to create a spraying effect was a great choice by director Damian Lee, who contributed his greatest work to date with Ski School. The film teaches us an important lesson, “In order to be the best, you must lose your mind.” The Institute should take note.
Dolemite 2: The Human Tornado (1976) - Rarely do sequels live up to the original, but Dolemite 2 took a classic film, Rudy Ray Moore’s original Dolemite, and brought it to the next level. It starts out with Dolemite, after having sex with the sheriff’s wife, rolling out of bed and shooting the sheriff’s men, fleeing the house naked, jumping down a hill, freezing the frame, and then saying “Y’all don’t believe I jumped. Well check out this good shit!” as we see an Instant Replay of his naked black ass jumping and rolling down this hill. The film uses the staple of Rudy Ray Moore films: rival comedy club owners who will commit any crime necessary to make sure more people see their comedy shows. Since you don’t see The Comedy Store owners gunning down the dudes who run the Improv, it takes creativity to come up with that storyline time and time again. We are also introduced to an innovative kung fu style, where Moore shakes his head a lot and blubbers out of his mouth before he strikes. It surely is more effective than the fighting style of the nun chuck expert he defeats during one of the final fight sequences.
Dead Heat (1988) - Not to be confused with Red Heat, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, this film stars Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams as zombie-fighting cops. Dr. McNab has developed a reanimating machine that allows him to resurrect criminals to do nefarious deeds for him. But Piscopo and Williams (the best cop pairing arguably since Steve Guttenberg and Bobcat Goldthwait) thwart his plan even after they are dead and resurrected. Kinda like Jesus cops. In the final scene Dr. McNab commits suicide, not allowing our hero cops the opportunity to properly kill him. So they reanimate him in order to kill him again. Genius. The movie proves one important point: You can’t kill Joe Piscopo.
Cool as Ice (1991) - Otherwise known as “The Vanilla Ice Movie”, “Cool as Ice” depicts the forbidden love of Vanilla’s Johnny and girl-next-door Kat. Vanilla’s posse gets stuck in a suburban town when his bike breaks down, but all was not lost as he met his soulmate, or at least a girl he’d like to have sex with. But her father (TV’s Michael Gross) forbids it, because he’s dangerous. From cinematographer Janusz Kaminski (Spielberg’s cinematographer) and director David Kellogg (whose other imdb credits are mostly Playboy Centerfold Shoot videos) comes a Rebel Without a Cause for the rap generation. Except this rebel has cause. And that cause is kickin’ ass.
Teen Wolf (1985) - Michael J. Fox plays a teenager who realizes that he also is a werewolf. Holy shit! The transformation is seemless, as Fox pays homage to Boris Karloff’s portrayal of the hairy friend. The film teaches us a number of things about werewolves that were glossed over or rarely mentioned in other literature and cinema Such as, werewolves are awesome at basketball, transforming human scrawny form into dunking high school hero. I’d like to see Kobe Bryant vs. the wolf in high school in one-on-one and see who wins - my money’s on the wolf. Furthermore, werewolves are excellent actors in school plays and have a good shot at nailing the lead actress. Werewolves are also excellent dancers, especially when dressing in white leisure suits. In the end. Michael J. Fox ditches his superpowers to win the basketball championship the honest way (take note, Barry Bonds). The movie is as enlightening as it is entertaining.
We can only hope that in another 10 years, the institute will come to its senses and include these films.
Permalink
08.09.07
Posted in AJ, Sports at 12:35 pm by AJ
As every one on planet Earth is already aware of Barry Bonds recently broke the all-time home run record of Hank Aaron. The issue has been debated and disputed by every one from congress to sports writers to drunks at the bar (I usually fall under the 3rd category). This morning I read an article in the Cleveland Plain Dealer about whether or not it carried any relevance and the answer without question is yes.
As I’ve stated before many times I truly hate Barry Bonds. I hate everything about him and yes I do believe he used steriods. That being said I still feel that this moment was not only relevant and important but also somewhat enjoyable. My roommate said the other day that, despite his massive hatred for Bonds, he literally got chills when the ball left his bat. Honestly, I feel the same way. From a man who shows so little emotion it was nice to see pure joy.
The thing about this moment is the fact that good, bad or illegal you will always remember it. For as long as I live I will remember that I saw Bonds hit that record breaking moon shot while sitting on a bar stool at The Big Ease in Amherst, Ohio. (Home of the Little Beer…fantastic shot) Anyway the point is that this was a night in history that will be forever remembered by everyone who saw it.
I think that this was good for baseball because whether you love Bonds or wish death upon him you were watching on that night. In this time of scandals and cheating it still brought the world’s eyes onto a baseball diamond. And as one reporter said… “Yeah it appears as though he cheated but so did hundreds of other players and they didn’t hit 756 homeruns.”
There are few moments in history that people will never forget and I have a feeling that this is a sports version of that idea. Love him or hate him it was still an amazing site to see. If nothing else, at least we no longer have to hear about “The Chase” for the first 15 minutes of sportscenter…
“A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen”
~Edward De Bono
Permalink
08.07.07
Posted in Books, The Diesel at 9:15 am by Diesel The
“When I was your age, television was called books…” –Grandpa (Peter Falk, you know, the guy who played Columbo) in “The Princess Bride”
I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the other night. I am sad. Not because of anything that happens in the book (though there are many somber moments), but because the saga is over. There will be no more Harry Potter books. For you haters out there (and I know you’re out there), this will come as a welcome relief. But I say you missed out.
After the last movie comes out in a few years, Harry Potter as pop culture phenomenon will cease to exist in the present tense. It will be like, as Jerry Seinfeld lamented at the end of Seinfeld, a yellowed photograph in the bottom of a drawer. A moment. A memory. Captured in time.
And then those of you whom have not read the books can continue on your merry way, oblivious to the fact that you have missed out on the first (only?) major worldwide cultural event of the century. And, more importantly, on a damn good story.
I’m still processing the final book and I’ll have more thoughts in a few days. But for those of you that only know Harry Potter through the movies, or not at all, I strongly encourage you to start reading the books. You won’t be disappointed.
Permalink
08.06.07
Posted in AJ, Sports at 12:35 pm by AJ
This past week Ryan Tucker of the Cleveland Browns (Aka Grizzly Adams) was suspended for the first four games of the season for violating the leagues steriod policy. That policy being do not use them.
When I heard about this I wasn’t really upset but a certain question came to my mind that is not under the 5 W’s. That question is how? How in God’s name can Ryan Tucker be on steriods and still be this terrible? He can’t pass block to save his life, he’s too slow to chop block, and run blocking involves pushing someone off the ball so that is clearly out of the question.
For some reason, only known to the front office of the Browns, Tucker has been with the team since ‘02 and since then he’s let left defensive ends by him to sack such big names as Couch, Dilfer, and Garcia. However that is not my main issue with him. Every lineman who’s worn a Browns jersey since their return to Cleveland has been pretty pitiful and only this year do they finally have some hope for a sturdy O-line. My issue is the fact that Tucker jumps for often than a kangaroo on a trampoline. He literally has an inability to remain still. It’s like somebody put Michael J. Fox into an ogre’s body. (too soon?)
My hope is that in his absense the Browns will be able to find an ample replacement and let go of Tucker so he can begin his promising career as the new star of the Jack Link’s Beef Jerky “Messin with Sasquatch Commercials”. I just don’t get how a monk can remain completely still while lighting himself on fire in protest and Tucker jumps at the sound a quarterback saying Red Moon dog 7-11.
Regardless of the sitaution I’m looking at this suspension as a good thing…mainly because I hate Ryan Tucker.
“I would prefer even to fail with honor than to win by cheating” Sophocles
Permalink
Posted in Celebrities, Sports, JD at 9:07 am by jd
A little bit of this, a little bit of that…
I have comments on some sports Headlines from this morning and over the weekend.
1: Brady Quinn’s Holdout
Can anyone tell me why this is a national story? The kid was picked 22nd in the draft and is the lowest first round draft pick that is unsigned. Now I understand, Darrelle Revis is a Cornerback, and that position is much less difficult (and lower profile) to learn and therefore, Revis missing camp is not as big a deal, but what about the NUMBER ONE pick Jamarcus Russell? Has the fact that he’s still holding out escaped everyone’s minds? Even Greeny on Mike & Mike in the morning commented to the effect of, “usually the big story would be the number one pick in the draft not signing, but not in this case.” Why? What is it about Brady Quinn that makes him “a pretty big deal?” Does he have many leather-bound books? Does his new home smell of rich mahogany? I don’t know, but any headline that degrades Cleveland is a winner apparently.
2. Tiger Woods Silences Rory Sabbatini
The fact that Rory even made a comment like, “He’s looks as beatable as ever” shows just how great Tiger Woods is. That comment is derogatory? It’s not like he said, “Tiger is terrible. He’s lost it.” This is simply saying that Tiger is slumping and it MIGHT give someone else a chance. This whole situation is a matter of media spinning some off the cuff comment in order to try and create a story where there is none. Tiger self-motivates as well as, if not better than, any other athlete in the world, that’s why he’s a great as he is. Come on now, saying he’s as beatable as ever when he’s been dominant all along? That’s like saying Roger Clemens stuff isn’t as sharp as it was 5 years ago in his first outing back this year. No kidding! It’s called rust, and as we’ve seen, it can be washed off.
3. Spurrier Upset Over Denial of Recruits’ Admission
This article shows everything that is wrong in the world of college athletics. These kids are Student-Athletes. Student comes first. So when Spurrier signed two kids who had bad grades last winter to athletic scholarships, maybe the first thing he should have said to them was, “Get your damn grades up.” He didn’t, apparently, and they didn’t, obviously, and now they are stuck scrambling for somewhere else to play (and maybe attend class). Spurrier has no one to blame for the rejection of the two recruits but the two recruits. I applaud South Carolina for not giving potential football players preferential treatment. The second that school lowers their standards is the second the institution slips. Remember, Coach, without the institution, you have no team to coach anyway. Tell your kids to get their grades up and this won’t be a problem. Come on, it’s not like high school is brain surgery. Do your homework and worst case scenario you end up with low C’s. Tip of the Cap to the Admissions Department at the University of South Carolina; Wag of the Finger to Steve Spurrier.
MISCELLANEOUS:
Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron with his 755th home run in San Diego the other night, and from the looks of it, was about half an inch from breaking that record in his very next at bat. No, not half an inch in ball travel, half an inch in bat on ball. He took a hellacious cut at a fast ball over the middle and just got under it enough that he fouled it back. The boo birds were out as Barry stepped to the plate for each appearance, then gave him a standing ovation (and deservedly so. Praise now, chastise later) after 755 and boo’d there own pitcher after each walk. Double Standard? Hmm.
A-Rod hits 500 and it’s just about as big a deal as the other “500″ was this year (Frank Thomas), which is to say, it wasn’t. Now no offense to the Big Hurt, but this 500 is significant because it’s probably the precursor to 757 (or whatever that number will be when Bonds retires), and for that, we will praise A-Rod. Unless Jose Canseco intervenes, and he says he will. Sore loser.
Tom Glavine gets win number 300 and it couldn’t have happened to a better guy. This was the best moment of the weekend and I’m sorry I fell asleep before the game ended. Congrats to the third best pitcher for the Atlanta Braves during their 1990’s domination (Maddux, Smoltz), you deserve it.
I won’t spoil this for you, but let me just say, unequivocally and loudly, “Not Surprised!”
Congratulations also to John Clayton for being enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It’s a testament to all of his hard work over the years. Now, if we can just get him some Rogaine…
Be well.
Permalink
08.02.07
Posted in Life, Celebrities, Television, JD at 3:58 pm by jd
Guys, as a rule, like to watch certain things on the television. Basically, if you can gross us out, make us laugh or get us on the edge of our seat (one way or another, are you listening Jessica Alba?), then we’ll accept and embrace what we’re seeing. There are exceptions to this rule. They are the following: Baseball (the real sweet science), Jeopardy (especially Teen Week so we can pretend we’re smart, plus the obvious, Nerdy Chicks) and anything with a character modeled after, or played by, Wayne Brady.
That is all. That’s it. No more.
These three exceptions, though, do not take into account what happens when a girl enters the picture. With a girl comes reality TV, “E! True Entertainment Access Hollywood Story Tonight,” the View, Dr. Phil and, if you’re REALLY lucky, LC from Laguna Beach.
There are definite exceptions made to the remote control rule when you have a girlfriend, boys, and this will be the first in a series of posts about some of the places your television channel switching may stop if you are blessed with a significant other.
Every Tuesday night last summer and every Wednesday night so far this Summer, my television has been stuck on FX from 10:00 to 11:00 PM (EDT). I’ve been observing the tale of a middle aged fireman named Tommy Gavin, portrayed by Denis Leary, whose dysfunctional family causes him more grief than Cleveland Cavaliers fans after the selection of Luke Jackson in the first round a few years back. Let me just catch you up to speed real quick:
Tommy lives with his ex-wife Janet and 10ish month old baby boy who has no name and his pre-pubescent daughter Katy. His 18 year old daughter Colleen has recently moved out of the house, choosing instead to live in a studio apartment with her destitute rocker boyfriend. His other small child was killed off by a drunk driver at the end of Season 1 (or 2, I don’t know). He has recently been involved in a massive house fire accidentally started by his ex-girlfriend (Sheila, who happened to the be widow of his cousin) and is fresh off a relationship with his slain brother’s ex-wife Angie who he was dating out of spite because his brother was at the time living with his ex-wife Janet (who Tommy now lives with) but in reality Tommy was sneaking around having an affair with Janet that neither Johnnie (the brother) nor Angie knew about. Oh, and did I mention that the nameless baby boy from earlier in this paragraph may or may not really be Johnnie’s kid or that Sheila has offered a half million dollars (that she got when her husband was killed in 9/11) to Tommy for custody of the (one way or another) bastard child?
Did you catch all that?
Welcome to one of the thousands of storylines going on in the FX Original Series “Rescue Me.” This is only part of Tommy’s life and doesn’t scratch the surface of his problems (that include alcoholism, anger issues and lately, ED), let alone the problems of all the other characters. Let me try to sum up in list form:
In The Firehouse:
1 - Lt. Kenneth Shea or “Lou” - Recently broke up with a nymphomaniacal ex-Nun because he wants more than just a physical relationship.
2 - Franco - Engaged to a hot mid 20’s chick (Natalie) who’s brother (Richie) has a rare form of Tourette’s that makes him exclaim the “N” word randomly for no apparent reason AND Franco has a daughter (Keela) who was basically kidnapped by 61 year old Susan Sarandon after her relationship with Franco ended (yeah Franco is 30ish and they dated, ewww) but Franco’s cool with it because she takes better care of Keela anyway, but now they want to be back in Franco’s life.
3 - Garrity - Married to Tommy’s alcoholic sister, Maggie, but getting a divorce because she watches porn too much and so he’s forced to stay with Mike and in the process burns down Mike’s Mom’s house. Also is being forced out of his first name (Sean) by the new Probationary Fireman because the new guy, who’s actual name is Bart, wants to be called Sean. And Bart/Sean/Probie is a great basketball player so they are appeasing him for the sake of the Station Basketball team.
4 - Mike - The newest full timer. A bi-curious guy who just was asked by his Mom to kill her, but she died of natural causes the night he was planning on doing it. He never changed anything about her house because it was how he remembered her until Garrity burned it down.
5 - The Chief - Just got the job as Chief of this house, because the longtime Chief had a heart attack, failed his physical to get the job back, got a desk job and decided to kill himself rather than accept the desk job.
I’d go into the “outside the firehouse” characters, but this is too long as it is.
Welcome to the show. There are way too many angles to follow. It literally took me all of Season 3 to get “caught up.” Then at the beginning of Season 4, I was lost again, because old characters came up. Good Lord. The show is more confusing and harder to figure out than a Rubix Cube to a color blind guy.
So how do I feel about Rescue Me? Well, it, as in any program, has its ups and downs. Denis Leary is great in his character at times, but awful at others. Up until the most recent episode, he couldn’t handle the emotional low points, but, in typical Leary fashion, knocked out the comedy. We may have had a turning point with the lead character and for the first time I see the potential the show has to offer, when you finally get everything sorted out.
I have one main qualm with the show, and it is incredibly gigantic. The show employs the “Pay it Forward” technique of creating tragic situations for young kids (you thought I meant casting Bon Jovi didn’t you? Shame on you). You had Tommy’s son killed by a drunk driver (100% against this), you constantly have babies killed off in fires (yes it happens, no not with the frequency Rescue Me would have you believe), you have the nameless baby saga, and I won’t even bring up the latest wrinkle in that plot. If you need a powerful cliff hanging end to your show, create it through great writing, not contrite and ill fated story ideas. If we want to see kids being killed by their parents’ stupidity or drunk drivers, we’ll turn on the news.
After watching the four minute intro to this week’s episode, I had extremely high hopes that the writers had learned to balance drama and prose into an effective emotional weave. I didn’t even have a problem with the death of some kids. Usually the firefighting scenes are so over the top unbelievable (an entire side wall of a building gives out causing our heroes to plunge 5 stories down and out the building and none are injured) or extremely dull that they add very little, if anything, to the show. This was never more evident a problem than last week, where they completed omitted an “on the job” scene.
However, this opening sequence was believable, moving and really showed that even though firemen risk their lives at times, their heroic efforts can go for naught, even if they don’t realize it at the time. It really lent credibility to the writers. The guys ran into the burning building, not knowing if people were alive or dead, but trying to save them anyway, even if their own health was at risk. This was shown through the eyes of the new Probie, who visibly second guessed his decision to enter this career.
All the guys were shaken by this event, but came through it together and grew because of it. These are all truths shown throughout the show. If the show can consistently capture this magic, it has a very good chance to turn into an outstanding “edge of your seat” show. I’ll even recommend to a few guys.
If and when though, folks, if and when.
If Rescue Me can be consistent, I’ll be the first to praise its growth. For now, it’s stuck on the list of “The TV Only Stops Here for Her.” It’s getting better.
Feel free to comment with questions about the storylines, I know they’re a bit confusing.
Be Well.
Permalink
« Previous entries
