04.19.07
NBA Playoffs, Let’s make up for lost time…
“Hello NBA playoffs, this is Cavaliers Coach Mike Brown. Thanks for letting me stop by again. Also, if you see the big man upstairs, could you tell him I said thanks for dropping me in the lap of Lebron James? I know I haven’t coached him at all, he hasn’t improved under my, what’s that word? ‘Tutelage.’ But as long as he keeps commanding triple teams and single handedly winning 50 games a year, I’ll get to the Hall of Fame! He’ll get there too, he’ll just never realize his potential as the most dominant player in the history of the game, but hey I can live with that; at least until after 2010 when he signs with the Knicks, Bulls, Clippers, or Lakers and I’m out of a job. Thanks also for sending me Damon Jones, because for as detrimental as he is on the floor, he’s a great leader in the huddle. He’s single handedly kept the guys from screaming mutiny. And finally, thank you for the hapless Chicago Bulls. They were kind enough to extend our playoff stay to Round 3 this year when we’ll undoubtedly lose to the Pistons. But still, getting to that round through the Wizards (ok fine, their two All Stars aren’t playing, but they were leading the conference at some points this year!) and the Nets (I know they needed to play their last game to even finish .500 this year, but have you seen Jason Kidd’s numbers?! Too bad we don’t have a point guard like that. Note to self: Ask Danny Ferry why we don’t have a Bibby or Kidd-esque point guard.) will guarantee we’ve improved from last year. It makes sense, Playoffs. We got to your first round two years ago, your second round last year and now your third round! That’s progress! So thanks for having the chips fall in my favor, I’m the luckiest resident of Cleveland since George Steinbrenner left.”
PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS (In Series Order, by which I care about least):
Western Conference:
Utah-Houston – Let’s be honest, no one’s watching this series. The best match up in the starting lineups is Andrei Kirilenko vs. Shane Battier. Seriously. And only because Battier is a glue guy who plays great D and Kirilenko has the capability to score big, despite his 8.3 points per game average. That’s the marquee match up? Every other position there is a decided edge. The only other one you can even make a case for is Ming-Okur, and that’s only if you’re a true NBA fan, because otherwise you’ve probably never even heard of Okur.
PG Deron Williams v. Rafer Alston Advantage Williams Utah
SG Derek Fisher v. Tracy Mc Grady Ad. McGrady Houston
SF Kirilenko v. Battier Ad. Even Push
PF Carlos Boozer v. Chuck Hayes Ad. Boozer Utah
C Mehmet Okur v. Yao Ming Ad. Ming Houston
Prediction – Rockets in 5
Denver-San Antonio – I think of the 4 Western Conference Series, this could be the most competitive. Or it could be a complete flop. I could honestly see either team getting hot and winning in 4 or 5 games. Each team has a distinct and opposite style and definite strengths that will be a problem for the other team. They both have strong role players off a “not-so-terribly deep” bench. This is almost like stereotypical white guys of a Catholic High School with the token nice big black guy (Tim Duncan, ejection be damned) playing against the inner city school that has the token white guy at point guard who talks about his “mad handles” while listening to Biggie Smalls and fashioning his Roc-a-Wear (Steve Blake).
PG Steve Blake v. Tony Parker Ad. Parker SA
SG Allen Iverson v. Michael Finley Ad. Iverson Den
SF Melo Anthony v. Bruce Bowen Ad. Anthony Den
PF Nene v. Tim Duncan Ad. Duncan SA
C Marcus Camby v. Francisco Elson Ad. Camby Den
*LaLa from MTV (Melo’s girl) v. Eva Longoria (Parker’s girl) AD. LONGORIA
Prediction – Due to Ginobili off the bench and Longoria behind it, the Spurs in 6.
Golden State-Dallas – Dallas is clearly better, but Don Nelson owns his old team and if anybody can take the Warriors to the promised land against the Mavericks, it’s Lenny Wilkens. But if two people can do it, the 2nd is Nellie. Now this team had to go on a tear at the end of the year to even get into the Playoffs, but that means they’re coming in with momentum, plus they’ve beaten Dallas five straight in the regular season. This is like the 1-2-3 Kid beating Razor Ramon three straight times on WWF Monday Night Raw back when wrestling was cool. You just don’t expect to see it. Well guess what, Wrestlemania comes around and everything rights itself, just like the Mavs will.
PG Baron Davis v. Jason Terry Ad. Terry Dal
SG Monta Ellis v. Greg Buckner Ad. Ellis GS
SF J. Richardson v. Josh Howard Ad. Even Push
PF S. Jackson v. Dirk Nowitzki Ad. Nowitzki Dal
C Al Harrington v. Erick Dampier Ad. Harrington GS
Prediction – Dallas in 5
Los Angeles-Phoenix – The Lakers took Phoenix to 7 games in last year’s playoffs, but don’t expect it to happen again. This series features the most accomplished coach of his generation who revolutionized offense in the late 80’s to mid 90’s in Phil Jackson and the guy who’s taking the reins from him with his up tempo style in Mike D’Antoni (who should be nowhere near the Olympic team, please). It also features the best player in the game (Kobe Bryant) and the two time reigning MVP (and Canadian, Steve Nash). How about Luke Walton’s dad possibly giving commentary on this game? How good could this be? Probably not very, but a guy a can hope. After all, some dude named Zach Johnson won the Masters and a girl with the voice of Kerri Strug was an American Hero.
PG Jordan Farmar v. Steve Nash Ad. Farmar (kidding, Nash) Phx
SG Kobe Bryant v. Raja Bell Ad. Bell (seriously, Bryant) LAL
SF Luke Walton v. James Jones Ad. Walton LAL
PF Lamar Odom v. Shawn Marion Ad. Even Push
C Kwame Brown v. Amare Stoudemire Ad. Stoudemire Phx
*** Kobe Bryant’s Elbow v. Raja Bell’s Forearm Ad. Bryant’s Elbow
Prediction – Phoenix in 6, but lets see next year when Andrew Bynum’s ready
INTERMISSSION!
Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. Race cars, lasers, airplanes, it’s a duck blur! Might solve a mystery (oooh) or rewrite history!
Duck tales (woo ooh!)
Everyday they’re out there making Duck tales! (ooh ooh)
Tales of daring do bad and good luck tales! (ooh ooh)
D-d-d-danger, Watch Behind You!
There’s a stranger out to find you!
What to do? Just grab onto some Duck tales! (woo ooh!)
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
Orlando-Detroit – I would love to say the Pistons could lose this series but the Magic are just bad. They were supposed to have a great season, maybe even win the conference, but that just proves that the so-called “Pundits” are hardly ever right. If a baseball player fails 7 of every 10 times he steps up to the plate throughout his career, he ends up in the Hall of Fame, just ask Wade Boggs. If that’s the criterion to be a member of the baseball hall of fame, then to become a Sports Pundit you must have to get something right once every 150 times you write something, give or take and depending on the strength of the Yen, I’m not quite sure. Anyway, the smart guys picked the Magic, and the Magic took till the final day of the playoffs to eke their way in, so people are idiots, whaddya want from me?
PG Jameer Nelson v. Chauncey Billups Ad. Billups DET
SG Grant Hill v. Rip Hamilton Ad. Hamilton DET
SF Hedo Turkoglu v. Tayshaun Prince Ad. Prince DET
PF Tony Battie v. Rasheed Wallace Ad. Wallace DET
C Dwight Howard v. Chris Webber Ad. Howard ORL
Prediction – Pistons in 4
Cleveland-Washington – Washington’s been decimated by injuries. With their players all in tact, we don’t play them first round we play the Nets, which would be scary. So thank you to Gil Arenas for getting hurt. This should be a laugher, but Mike Brown coaches the Cavs, so keep the money in your pocket. If all goes like it should in this one, Washington will be looking for another new team name, my suggestion, the Secret Service Agent Zeros.
PG Antonio Daniels v. Larry Hughes Ad. Daniels WAS
SG Deshaun Stevenson v. Sasha Pavlovic Ad. Pavlovic CLE
SF Lebron James v. Jarvis Hayes Ad. James times 100 CLE
PF Antawn Jamison v. Drew Gooden . Ad. Jamison (based on numbers) WAS
C Etan Thomas v. Zydrunas Ilgauskas Ad. Ilgauskas CLE
Prediction – Cavs in 5
New Jersey-Toronto – On the one hand, the Nets are playing well and have a couple future Hall Ring wearers. On the other hand, the Raptors have Chris Bosh and an interesting style of play. On the third hand, the Nets have been playing similarly to the Raptors lately and winning. What’s that mean? It means that both teams like to run, so the game will come down to who executes when the opportunity to run isn’t there. Plus, in the playoffs, if you have a point guard you win. Jason Kidd is a great point guard, so here’s my upset special. The Nets take down the Raptors and, by the way, give the Cavs hell in round two. I mean, come on Toronto, you’re starting Anthony Parker who’s not even the best basketball player in his FAMILY because his little sister Candace is a stud.
PG Kidd v. TJ Ford Ad. Kidd (one day TJ) NJ
SG Vince Carter v. Parker Ad. Carter (never Anthony) NJ
SF Richard Jefferson v. Joey Graham Ad. Jefferson NJ
PF Mikki Moore v. Chris Bosh Ad. Bosh, big time TOR
C Jason Collins v. Rasho Nesterovic Ad. Nesterovic TOR
Prediction – Nets in 6 (It’s interesting, either team could get hot and sweep this series)
Chicago-Miami – I didn’t know who to put first in this one because up till now the lower seed has been the first named team, but it’s also been the worse record of the two. Well David Stern IS NOT an idiot so here Chicago has the better record, but the higher (or is it lower) seed. They are 5 and Miami is 4, to be clear. Miami has hot ladies, Chicago has cold weather. Miami has Shaq and Wade, Chicago will be visiting Miami and wading in the pool before going to stay in the shack, ok that makes no sense. Intriguingly, lots of pundits (uh oh, there’s that word again) think that Miami will win here and go on to take down the Pistons. I don’t think so, scooter. But I could be wrong, though I’m no pundit. Thanks again, Chicago, for dropping the number two seed like it was hot. Your implosion will be compensated with Lebron James in a few years so get over yourselves and stop acting like martyrs. You’re worse than the Rutgers women’s basketball team, and that is in no way meant to be insensitive. The issue behind the statement is the concern, not the object of the statement, but this is another story. It’s similar though Chicago, it’s not you that matters now, it’s the Cavs. So enjoy your seat watching us lose to the Western Conference Champion in the Finals. It could’ve been you, kids; it could’ve been you.
PG Kirk Hinrich v. Jason Williams Ad. Hinrich CHI
SG Ben Gordon v. Dwayne Wade Ad. Wade MIA
SF Luol Deng v. Eddie Jones Ad. Deng CHI
PF PJ Brown v. Udonis Haslem Ad. Haslem MIA
C Shaquille O’Neal v. Ben Wallace Ad. O’Neal MIA
Prediction – Heat in 5
Ok folks, there you have it. Predictions from all 8 first round series in the NBA. We’ll be back in a couple of weeks to brag about how wrong I was!
Be well.