03.29.07
March Madness in Vegas on 20 Bucks a Day, Part II
The Madness, The Madness . . .
Vegas, Baby, Vegas. The excesses of Caligula right in our very own desert oasis. Speaking of dessert, I contend that the brownie sundae is the greatest dessert ever invented. Argue if you like, but I’ll tell you right now, you would be wrong.
So let me walk you through what I learned during my weekend in the debauchery capital of the world. As you can see from the ticket stubs below, the sports betting didn’t go so well. I learned that no matter how much you hate Florida (or any particular team); it’s not wise to bet against them solely for that reason. Oh, and by the way, I learned that a money line bet is far different from a straight bet. 10½ points different, as far as the Butler-Florida game was concerned. On the plus side, had Butler won, we would have made $115 bucks on our initial $20. On the minus side, Butler lost, but won with the points. Meaning, had we made a straight bet with the points, we would have won $20. Minus the vigorish, of course. Which is one of the coolest words ever, by the way. (An aside: That word reminds me of Catherine Zeta-Jones in The Mask of Zorro when she says. “very vigorous.” Sexy as hell. Remember how hot she was back then? Smokin.’ Now? Married to an old dude. Too bad.)
But I’m getting ahead of myself, gambling-wise. My very first bet of the trip was, as promised below, the Entourage-style $10 on red at the very first roulette wheel I came across. Black-24. Well, that was not a good sign, nor the last time I put my faith in red. Twice more I tried. The first, $15 at the Venetian. Okay, it was actually 5 ones, 1 five, and a $5 Match Play card. Seriously. I was standing next to a guy in a suit with hundreds of dollars in chips in front of him. The dealer treated at me like the low class schmuck that I am. What came up? Black-24. I should have taken odds and bet $20 bucks on that happening. The last time, Kansas had just blown our parlay, so I decided to drop another $10 on red at NY, NY. This time I won. Go figure. That was the extent of my roulette play, though I wish I had $100 or more to sit down and play for awhile. Yes, it’s a sucker bet, as Joe Cat says. But I would argue that everything in Vegas is a sucker bet, and I enjoy the spin.
Before I get back to the sports betting, I will let you all in on the best kept secret in Vegas: Paigow Poker is the poor man’s best friend. Find a $10 table. Sit down with $50 and, with a reasonable amount of luck, you can drink free all night. It breaks down like this: half the time you push, a quarter of the time you win, a quarter of the time you lose. So that’s almost 75% of the hands that you do not lose. Which, when you have no money and want to get drunk, are outstanding odds. (Those percentages are 100% unscientific. For entertainment purposes only.) Of course, the downside to getting drunk is that if you are lucky and do win a few hands in a row, you tend to play too long and give the money right back. So remember, free drinks in casinos are not really free.
By the way, I witnessed Joe Cat lose $20 in a $1 Wheel of Fortune slot machine in well under a minute. I looked at my phone as the 20 was going in: 2:59p. I looked at my phone when his credits were at zero: 2:59p. Wow.
So anyway, the Friday betting went like this: $20 money line Butler over Florida (loss), $10 straight bet Butler +10 over Florida (paid $19), $10 three leg parlay USC+8½, UNLV +2½, Georgetown -7½ (loss). So we bet $40 (Our friend John threw in $10 to get in on the Butler action. Dummy.) and got back $19. Could have been worse. We had about as good a showing as the token fat kid fighting for Cobra-Kai in the All-Valley Karate Tournament. We took a round house to the gut.
New plan for the Sat-Sun games: one $15 two team parlay each day (you can view the betting stubs below). On each one, one team came through for us while the other blew it. Luckily, the Buckeyes came through, which was more important to us than the money anyway. Unfortunately, UCLA stuck it hard to Kansas. On Sunday, Georgetown came through all too well against UNC, winning the game outright in OT. The game was meaningless to us, however, as Oregon +7 had to go and lose by 8. Proving that this was definitely not our weekend. I hate Florida. We even put our $10ish in winnings (hah, winnings!) from that Butler game on a money line bet that Oregon beats Florida straight up. Ouch.
Remember how I said I needed to win at least some of this money back in order to pay my bills this month? Hmmmmm . . . wonder how much I can get if I sell my plasma? (Blood, not TV).
By the way, big shout out to the Flamingo: nicest dealers, waitresses, and pit bosses on the strip. By far. I also recommend checking out the “Dealertainers” at the Imperial Palace, although the Gwen Stefani is a bit of a butter face. Just sayin’.
All in all, really fun weekend, which is the whole point. And the Buckeyes are in the Final Four. Happy days are here again.
Public Service Announcements:
How can you not root for this guy? GO BUCKS!
I came across these two articles about the current state of the music industry. Interesting stuff. I think the Counting Crows guy is right on, though I still don’t want to pay for music. Maybe I’ll write more on this topic at a later date. Check it out.
http://www.countingcrows.com/news/news.php?uid=2353
http://tech.msn.com/news/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4558731>1=9233
Ben Folds is opening for John Mayer at the Hollywood Bowl in June. You have got to be kidding me. Ben Folds is the man. John Mayer is not.
Ships and Dip is Back! You can take a cruise with Barenaked Ladies and Guster. If you’re a fan of these bands, that’s got to be the coolest thing ever. Of course, if you’re not, it would probably not be so much fun. Great idea, though. Wish I had the cash.
Marching Band practice will be moved from the gymnasium to the commons area due to asbestos removal. Anyone coughing up blood should report to the school nurse.
That’s my 6th post. Look who’s in the lead now? Suck it, Big D.